xo,
Angela
Tune in tomorrow to read Part II of this three part guest series to read about Vance's anticipation leading up to the whole testing process!
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Before my wife and I got married, wetalked about the future, but the one subject that kept coming up waskids. We both wanted them. The question was when? We discussed birthcontrol for the first year and also having kids right away. Afterthinking about it, I knew what I wanted. At 30 years old, I didn’treally want to wait very long. The way I looked at it was once we gotmarried in June, it was less than two months before I was 31. If wewaited a year, I would be 32 when we started trying, and I reallydidn’t want to be a first time father at 33 or 34. So the decisionwas made! We were going for it; we wouldn’t get on the birthcontrol train. We wanted to enjoy each other, and enjoy beingnewlyweds, but we wanted to get pregnant too.
So off we went! For the first couple ofmonths we didn’t worry about cycles and ovulation, or anything ofthat sort. Then as the weeks and months went on, we started to get alittle discouraged. I secretly felt like a huge failure as a man andhusband. My wife, on the other hand, went to town on the research. Weboth knew she wasn’t the most regular when it came to that “time”of the month, but we pressed on. Now, as any couple that has issuesconceiving knows all too well, the act of making a baby stops beingfun after about the fifth failed attempt and turns into pressure anddisappointment. As a man, it is also a huge hit to the ego, I knowthat’s how I felt anyway. It started to get harder and harder toget into the mood, and I started to get very depressed. At the time, I didn't express this to anybody, not even Angela.
Then, this past summer, we reallythought we were pregnant! It was well past “that” time of themonth, and I just knew we had finally succeeded! We went out andbought the "family pack" of pregnancy tests, but everyday was the same...no period and a negative test. I’d be lying if I said my heartdidn’t break every time she said negative again. We talked to a tonof people that had the same issue, store bought tests coming upnegative. We needed to get a real test, but unfortunately mycompany’s pathetic insurance plan makes it impossible to insure mywife. We researched alternative options. We found that there are alot of resources available if you just look. So, the next step wasgoing to a place that specialized in this. We found a pregnancycenter that was right down the street and we went right in. My hopeswere quickly crushed when that test came up negative as well. At thispoint I wanted to dig a hole and jump in it. I was so down it wasn’teven funny, but I had to be strong, or at least I thought I did. Weasked the lady in charge, Nancy, where we could get a blood drawn testfor cheap. She gave us the number of a place that would do this. Thename is Southside United Health and Wellness Center. After gettinglost more than once, we finally found the place and went in to getthe test. This was my last hope of good news, and I needed it at thatpoint. It took around 3 days to get the results…NEGATIVE!! Thedisappointment on my beautiful wife’s face was almost too much tobear! I have never felt like that in my life! I wanted to scream, cry, and curse at God so bad at that point in time. My anger was close togetting the best of me. I know now that it was more hurt and sadnessthan anger, but hindsight is 20/20.
Our next step was making her lady examappointment, which we did. When the day came, I went with her, andthat is when the doctor gave us the name of a lab that could test myswimmers. Now I am really nervous! This ordeal has been verydifficult for the both of us. But to find out it is my "fault"...that issomething I don’t want to think about. So I really hope they swimlike Michael Phelps, and not sink like the Greek economy.
(This post was written Nov. 7.)
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